Welcome to Confidence Tuesday. Dedicated to everything confidence; Building it, learning about it, examining it in others and re-hashing/understanding some of my most uncomfortable 'lack-of-confidence' moments.
I have to be honest... When I was finishing up last weeks Confidence Tuesday post I had NO IDEA what I meant when I was writing 'Next Week - Building Social Confidence featuring Yours Truly as the Guinea Pig!'
I had no solid plans or ideas for broadening my confidence horizons, but as she has a way of doing, AliMc stepped up and gave me all the inspiration I needed in one simple sentence, 'How about telling yourself you have to initiate conversation with one person a day??'.
Yeah Kristin, how about it?
Automatically I started listing all the reasons why I couldn't. I even wrote a post with some of the weird and wonderful questions that popped into my head when I thought about initiating a conversation with a stranger. And I got even more helpful comments (seriously readers, you guys are the best!)
In amongst all of the whirling, wacky questions in my head, there was one quiet little voice that just got louder and louder until it drowned out all the crazy...
How about it?
It was the exact same 'How about it?' that I heard just before I decided to start the Couch to 5k Program. The very same that popped up when I discovered the Bridge to 10K.
It was the voice that helped me push the submit button when I registered for the triathlon.
Each of those had been hard and even a little bit scary. I had moments when I was worried I wouldn't be able to see them through and times when I wanted to pack it all in but I had come out the other end stronger and more confident... And successful.
So who was I to mess with the 'How about it?' in my head?
The day after I wrote my 'crazy questions' post I tried it out. I started safe, in a shop where I knew the assistant was super friendly. I approached the counter with my purchase... I asked her how her day was going. I asked her what time she was due to finish up. She asked me questions and I replied. I made an effort to make sure my answers consisted of more than one word. And then I finished paying, said I hoped she had a good evening and I left...
The next day I spoke to the cashier in the supermarket and found out her plans for the weekend.
And yesterday I talked to the guy in the coffee shop about how I couldn't believe the weather had turned out so nice after such a cold start...
It wasn't easy... Each time my head was still buzzing with the hum of questions, concerns, the roaring self-consciousness... It wasn't natural and at some points I could feel the familiar panic rising in my throat but I calmed myself with the knowledge that, if I completely bombed it wasn't going to be the end of the world. Not every conversation I am going to have for the rest of my life is going to be Earth-shatteringly fantastic!
So with a couple of decent stranger conversations under my belt I went in search of some information to help me continue my good work. What were the cool kids talking about these days?
It's one thing to strike up a conversation with a person who is paid to be friendly to you, but what about outside of supermarkets and coffee shops. What about parties? Meeting new work colleagues? Standing in line at Subway? Hoity-toity Art Gallery Openings? (Okay, so my chances of being at an art gallery opening are slim to none, but it can't hurt to be prepared, right?)
I went in search of help with fail-safe conversation starters and some hints on how to successfully execute them. In the process I found a nifty site; Uncommon Help. With articles on topics ranging from communication skills right through to sleep problems I am looking forward to having a look around to see what other areas I can get some help with BUT the article I was after was 'Be a Great Conversation Starter: Talk to Strangers with Ease'.
It started out by talking about why people fear starting conversations. I found myself nodding like a dashboard bobble head as I read along. And it helped that the author, Mark Tyrell, added a bit of humor to the situation :
"So what do people fear? Well, often they fear saying the ‘wrong thing’, but what does that mean? Actually, it’s not so much what you say - within reason - but how you come across when you’re saying it. Sure, confidently telling a stranger they have a nose the size of Trinidad is unlikely to win immediate friendship however pleasant your demeanour."
The article then went through nine tips to help you become a successful conversation starter. When it was laid out like that, it didn't seem so hard!
Tip 1: Smile and the whole world smiles with you - I'm very aware I can be a frown-y person when I am concentrating
Tip 2: Having a conversation is a mutual experience - I was surprised at how I hadn't realised this. I had honestly been focusing on my part in the whole conversation thing, but the other person has to take some responsibility right?
Tip 3: Show interest - No yawning!
Tip 4: Open up the conversation - Open ended questions are the key!
Tip 5: Self-edit - I tend to babble at the best of times, even more so when I am nervous so this is an important one for me to remember
Tip 6: Do use humour - Thank goodness, because I have the BEST joke to try out*
Tip 7: Don’t rely on the booze - Guilty, guilty, guilty. I have been known to survive social occasions on the power of dutch courage alone!
Tip 8: Don’t take it personally - This is probably the most important tip because I often blame myself if things don't go well when sometimes, I really did the best I could.
Tip 9: Get your conversation-starter mindset - Visualise a successful conversation to make it happen! If you imagine it failing, it will fail!
So this weeks confidence challenge? I'm going to get out there and starting talking! I will aim for one person a day but being Easter this may not be possible. I would honestly be happy with one, non store-assistant conversation where I can give the nine tips a go.
Wish me luck!
It started out by talking about why people fear starting conversations. I found myself nodding like a dashboard bobble head as I read along. And it helped that the author, Mark Tyrell, added a bit of humor to the situation :
"So what do people fear? Well, often they fear saying the ‘wrong thing’, but what does that mean? Actually, it’s not so much what you say - within reason - but how you come across when you’re saying it. Sure, confidently telling a stranger they have a nose the size of Trinidad is unlikely to win immediate friendship however pleasant your demeanour."
The article then went through nine tips to help you become a successful conversation starter. When it was laid out like that, it didn't seem so hard!
Tip 1: Smile and the whole world smiles with you - I'm very aware I can be a frown-y person when I am concentrating
Tip 2: Having a conversation is a mutual experience - I was surprised at how I hadn't realised this. I had honestly been focusing on my part in the whole conversation thing, but the other person has to take some responsibility right?
Tip 3: Show interest - No yawning!
Tip 4: Open up the conversation - Open ended questions are the key!
Tip 5: Self-edit - I tend to babble at the best of times, even more so when I am nervous so this is an important one for me to remember
Tip 6: Do use humour - Thank goodness, because I have the BEST joke to try out*
Tip 7: Don’t rely on the booze - Guilty, guilty, guilty. I have been known to survive social occasions on the power of dutch courage alone!
Tip 8: Don’t take it personally - This is probably the most important tip because I often blame myself if things don't go well when sometimes, I really did the best I could.
Tip 9: Get your conversation-starter mindset - Visualise a successful conversation to make it happen! If you imagine it failing, it will fail!
So this weeks confidence challenge? I'm going to get out there and starting talking! I will aim for one person a day but being Easter this may not be possible. I would honestly be happy with one, non store-assistant conversation where I can give the nine tips a go.
Wish me luck!
* Okay, I know you're dying to hear my joke so here it is...
What do you call a chicken with lettuce in it's eye?
A chicken sees-a-salad!
What do you call a chicken with lettuce in it's eye?
A chicken sees-a-salad!
Your Turn:
That joke was hilarious yeah? What's a good joke you've heard recently?
But seriously, do you have a suggestion for where I can strike up a stranger conversation that's not a shop, coffee joint, art gallery or public bathroom (because that's a bit weird!)?
I met one of my overseas friends through a ladies loo conversation, so toilets aren't as weird as the initial idea suggests ... but perhaps it would be odd if you were hanging around some cubicles ;)
ReplyDeleteWhat about a little old man/lady? They always have interesting stories to tell :) A performer? Like, a busker? See what their future plans are, if they do any other gigs.... if they drink tequila....??? (learn from the best my dear) xx
I can't say I have met any friends in bathrooms, but I HAVE busted in on a friend in the loo... hahahahaha, I'm not going to live that down in a hurry :)
DeleteI will have to keep that tequila line up my sleeve for conversation emergencies!
That's awesome! Great job getting out there and talking with some strangers! :)
ReplyDeleteThanks Mandy!
DeleteWhats wrong with the bathroom??! :) What a great post. I've worked and interacted with people for years and its a no brainer for me to start a conversation with seriously *anyone*. Do you run anywhere with other people? How about that? I love hooking up with perfect strangers at the gym.........wait that sounded SO wrong! :D Think about the places you go that doesn't cost you a penny and that's where you can start. I can't wait for next week, love the idea already!
ReplyDeleteCome to think of it, I have had some fantastic bathroom conversations... They have just all been alcohol fueled unfortunately :)
Delete*snort* 'hooking up at the gym'... Your gym sounds more exciting than the ones I've been a member of LOL