(You can read Part 1 here)
When I remove myself from this haywire eat-exercise-eat cycle of mine and imagine I am reading my last post as an outsider, I can see so many sensible and easy ways to fix my problem. This is what I find most frustrating. If it is so obviously clear, how am I able to completely ignore this logic in my everyday life?
I am trying to look like I am thinking.
Maybe about why I didn't put any make-up on?!
Part of the solution, I believe, is to identify my triggers and weak spots. My biggest ones are:
The scale readings – My last post described my varying and mostly crazy reactions to the number I see on the scales.
Lack of planning – I know from experience that I feel strong and in control when I have a menu plan in place. Without it I rely of fast, unhealthy and oversized options.
Portion sizes – See above... And really, even with a menu plan, I tend to eat portions that leave me feeling stuffed and guilty. Just because Danny needs a large portion, it doesn't mean I do. I am supposed to be a much, much smaller person than he is (He's 6'6”)
Alcohol – When I drink I make ridonkulous decisions regarding food. When I wake up the next morning feeling less than 100%, I make even more stupid choices. And that's not even considering the fact that alcohol in itself is high calories and completely void of nutrition.
'Success = Food Reward' Cycle – This one is a complete no-brainer. Rewarding my weightloss with eating unnecessary foods is not a healthy habit and I need to change it NOW.
March signals the start of my 27th year on this Earth and to celebrate, I am declaring the month to be dedicated to opening my eyes, thinking clearly and defeating some long held demons. When I picture the person I eventually want to be it does not involve my mind being fixated on food in the way that it is now.
The first thing that I will be doing, even though it scares the crap out of me, is ditching the scales. I am getting anxious just thinking about it, how crazy is that? The control freak part of my brain is telling me that I need the number on the scale each day to keep myself on the straight and narrow and without it I am going to end up back where I was. I know however, no matter what I do, I will not end up at 142kg come April 1st . The reality is, the number on the scale is one of the things that is most sending me into a tail spin each week at the moment, a break from it can only be positive.
Secondly, I will be planning and recording my food. I will do weekly meal plans so that the whole 'caught short' issue is avoided and part of this will be working with portion sizes. I will FINALLY start a food diary which I have seen so many people have success with but have never been able to execute myself. It's something I have wanted to be able to do for ages, it's even one of my goals in my bucket book. I think the real benefit of the food diary is an enhanced accountability. If I have to write it down I automatically have to put more thought into it than I normally do.
March will also be 'dry'. This may seem like an easy challenge for some readers but for me, especially given it is birthday month, it will be somewhat tough. My alcohol mantra will be 'Empty calories, empty calories!'
And when I have done all of these things successfully I will reward myself but not with food. I'm working of a list of the little things in life that I love don't often get to do or think of doing. Painting my nails is a big one! Maybe I can even rope Danny in to give me a back massage after a particularly good week?!
That was the end of my plan for how to begin to tackle my warped view of food but TriGirl's comment on my last post really got me thinking. She mentioned that there may be benefit in me seeking out a dietitian and at first I kind of brushed off the suggestion. Why? I am not quite sure! Maybe I didn't consider myself someone who needed a dietitian? Maybe I didn't want to pay the cash involved in seeing one? Maybe I was worried they would try to lure me back into the world of meat eaters. But I am the exact kind of person that needs a dietitian. And after my post where I was banging on about 'taking charge of my health' I knew that it was a very good idea and that the cost outlay would be minimal given that I have private health cover. And, at the end of the day, if the person I was seeing didn't respect my choices around my vegan lifestyle then I would seek out the advice of someone who did, problem solved! So part five of my big March plan is to make an appointment with a dietitian so if anyone has any pointers of what to look for in order to find a good one, I am all ears!
Maybe this Queen of the Quick Fix is finally learning to be the Queen of Sensible... Finally!
Have you ever seen a dietician/nutritionist/similar? What was your experience and what did you find most helpful?